OTI Online
Summer 1995

TALKING BACK TO THE NEWS


Women are muttering about:

  • Angry white males: They're pissed that everyone seems to be making out like bandits but them. Poor babies must be reading the same economic statistics as Alan Greenspan.
  • Newtism #I: He says "the only way" to keep people like South Carolina's Susan Smith from drowning their kids is to vote Republican. Of course, the stepdad who admitted having molested Smith when she was 16 turned out to be a G.O.P. bigwig and a member of the Christian Coalition -- but, hey, he never killed her.
  • The end of affirmative action: Bumbling members of minorities would learn the meaning of the word "merit." Fine, but who's gonna tell Warren Christopher he's out as Secretary of State and Madeleine Albright is in?
  • Semantics at the O.J. trial: The defense has been euphemistically calling what went on during his marriage to Nicole "domestic discord." Right, and the 911 call was just Nicole's way of "reaching out and touching" the local cops.
  • Newtism #II: Gingrich says the whole idea of female combat troops is blasphemous because -- unlike men -- women aren't "biologically driven to hunt giraffes." Can't wait for him and Phil Gramm to go off on safari together.
  • The latest scare tactics in the abortion wars: Intimidated after protesters declared his property "a war zone" and threatened "injury or death" to anyone caught there, a Long Island landlord is trying to evict an abortion clinic with eight years still left on its lease. Maybe the Feds should hire The Dream Team to finally prove there's a conspiracy behind all the violence.
  • Marcia Clark's child-custody battle: Her estranged husband claims her grueling workload makes her an unfit mother for their two young sons. Better that she be employed like Rosa Lopez.
  • The Glass Ceiling: A new study found women make up less than 5 percent of industry's senior management, and the white males perceive them as "unable or unwilling to relocate" and "not being tough enough." Unless you're Marcia Clark, of course. Then it's Mom's-so-tough-she-shouldn't have custody.
  • Germaine Greer's answer to recidivism among rapists: In disclosing her own rape at age 19, Greer advocated posting rapists' names on the Internet. And you thought your computer crashes a lot now?
  • Health benefits of marriage: Another new study confirms that married men have better health, sex lives, and lower depression and alcoholism rates than divorced men -- but married women lose income, do more housework, and have no more sexual satisfaction than single, cohabitating, or divorced women. Maybe men should just marry each other.
  • Bob Packwood: The Republicans didn't let a little thing like an ongoing ethics committee investigation into charges of sexual harassment prevent his being named chairman of the Senate Finance Committee. Proves it's the guys who really tongue-kiss their way to the top.
  • Newt's poll ratings: The good news for Newt is that there is one politician with even higher negatives than he. The bad news is it's Jesse Jackson.
  • Purging cyberspace of porn: Politicians want to keep kids from using computers to access images of women engaging in such acts as bestiality. They're old-fashioned: magazines that come wrapped in plain brown paper have always worked just fine for them.
  • Hillary Clinton: She finally resurfaced--wearing a traditional Muslim scarf on her head during a tour of third-world countries. I don't think that's what she meant by "redefining" the role of First Lady.
  • Newtism #III: He thinks poverty can be eliminated by giving poor people tax credits to buy laptop computers. Yep, it's so much easier whipping out resumes that way while standing in line waiting to get into a homeless shelter.

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